Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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