got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize