You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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