Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
