My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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