You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
