Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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