Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
