Cold hands, warm shart.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
