I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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