She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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