and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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