Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Bring me that man meat
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
