My sheets look like a crime scene.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize