the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
