"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
