i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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