She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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