I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize