Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
