I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize