my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
time to smoke my breakfast
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize