bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
