remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
