I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
