its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
