I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
