Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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