Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
