You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
