I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
