Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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