Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
