she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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