I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
