I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
