Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize