ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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