Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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