Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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