So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
