I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
