woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
