those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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