is your mom at the bar?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
