I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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