Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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