tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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