I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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