I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
