I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
