My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
