Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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