sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
