I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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