k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
