i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
