Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
