they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize