I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
