Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
