That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
