I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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